She lay in the hospital bed with half a heart still beating, half her lungs still breathing. It was enough though – for now. He’d dropped everything, sprinted to the hospital like in those cliché dramas with overdone plots but this, this was real. More real than anything in his life, anyway. Definitely more real than those nights he daydreamed about, those days they never spent.

“I’m sorry, are you immediate family?”

He shook his head meekly. “I’m afraid we cannot let you in.” He wanted to cry; screw his pride.

“Let him in,” she croaked to the nurse. The nurse nodded.

He looked confused and angry and frustrated. She smiled at him and his face softened, and his eyes asked why?

“I told you I couldn’t live without you.”

we dream, we dream
of the day
we run away, away from here
we’ll leave this place
and never come back

we know, we know
that you are the sun
and i, the moon
and they never meet, never ever meet
except in black and blue butterfly
dreams
but how would we have
rainbows
if we didn’t have
rain?

we wish, we wish
in prayers and birthday candles
that i would be yours
and you would be mine
but we’d never
really believed
in
love, anyway.

ONE.
I remember that first time; in fact, I remember the second, the third, and every time after. I fell into your smile, and fell for your laugh. Winding and unwinding in that two-way spiral. I couldn’t breathe, your sweet aroma infecting my lungs and mind with memories i don’t even recall. I thought I’d just watch you from a distance; you’d never know my name, but in retrospect, maybe I was wrong. I wanted what I didn’t want, and had what I thought I couldn’t. But what puzzles me is, what’s in your eyes that makes me want to fly?


( WHERE AM I )

How long will you wait and how long will it take? How long will you be that way, and really, how long can you stay away? How long till you learn? How long till you crash, and how long will you burn? How long before you become that mess you seem to know so well? A couple of pretty faces, a couple of plastic smiles, and you’re just another person.

jaebum, no D:

its my birthday but it doesnt feel like it.

i'm posting this as i'm folding the laundry. after this and folding, i have to finish packing. packing might just be the most depressing activity out there. its like the goodbye before the departure.

i'm here cause i miss some such gigglefit buddy, an arathy, and whatever other friends i have (it isnt much. at all...)
and maybe theres someone out here that miss me

so..

i'm stiill aliveeeeeeeeee.
in case you were wondering.

how've i been? fine. dandy.. but something must be wrong/different, becuase i've barely written all summer :|
school starts next monday. and tomorrow, i'm flying on home back to cali ):
i've become a crazy 2pm fangirl, and a chansunglover.
donghae is still mineminemine, but now i guess he has to share (:
i've watched bbf recently, and now i'm also obsessed with kim bum and hyun joong (which comes with a small ss501 fandom). kim jun is bunches to love too. i'm watching dream noww and :D HI KIM BUM.
...random :P

i guess you could have called that (was it 2 months?) a hiatus. an unexpected hiatus. am i back now? i dont know.

hey look, its almost my birthday.

OMG THAT REMINDS ME. NHI DID YOU EVER GET MY LETTERLETTER? OMG. YAH. i just remembered. you better have ):

May 19, 09
She lays on the grass and dreams of yesterdays forgotten. She blinks at the sky as they try to paint us all with the same brush, in the same colors. The voices echo and the pictures flash. The letter torn and floating away in the wind, because she was sick of trying to read between the lines. She’s tired of everything, actually. But then a plane in the sky sparks her memory, and reminds her to breathe - as if living was her biggest interest right now. The more she thinks about it, the easier it seems; a pocketknife curved the right way, sunken into the skin, the vein, in the right place, could end everything - and isn’t that just what she wants?


 May 21, 09
Everything is rocky, her world on edge. Thrown out of balance and she doesn’t really care. She reaches the end, it’s game over, but then she finds herself, stuck at the beginning again. She doesn’t have time to second guess (she‘s spent most of it looking for that silver lining that barely shines anymore), she doesn’t have strength to try and forget (she‘s used most of it on remembering). But somehow, someway, she’s holding on - because she never learns, never learns. She tries to cross all the bridges she’d burnt, tries to go when she really doesn‘t want to. She’s alone in her own little world, and really, she’s just fine that way.


May 23, 09 ; idk, i just put my old notebook in the recycling (i like knowing that i can get it back, and recycling is good for the planet), and started a new one sort of. havent really "started" in it yet but yeah, this came out. :D
She thinks of these pretty words, whatever sounds good. Every syllable, every phrase seems to eat her up inside - until she writes them down, free to float on the paper, and out of her mind. This is how she thinks, how she lives, how she grows, like her worn out notebook, thicker by the day. The pages upon pages of words, they never meant anything, but now, looking back, she realizes -- she was documenting the story of her own life. She wants to start over, so she throws away the old tattered notebook, swipes away the crumbs of the past, and starts fresh.

May 28, 09
She keeps thinking everything's changed, but in hindsight, maybe this is the way they've always been. Only now, her vision is fogged (by his pretty smile); her judgement is clouded (she swears he does it on purpose); and her mind is tainted (with her misty autumn dreams).

SSLKJDF


I MISS YA.

i finally found myself a layout i liked, but its really light, and i wish it was purple, and i could probably change the code but that would be so much work, and i'd probably screw it up :D
(if anyone wants to help, thatd be awesome.)

i always thought blockquotes were fun.. :D

/end pointless post.